The cure for a boring life
Hi folks!
I wonder if there’s a boredom epidemic out “there.”
Why? I see such little life enthusiasm. Yes, folks are busy, busy, busy running around, but do the activities shrouded in this busyness truly make them feel alive? And it’s not just the parents who are bored, the children seem to be bored as well. It all seems to be fueling a rise in depression among people of all ages. A January 2010 article in Psychology Today said that the mental health and happiness of children has been declining since the 1950’s. Even more interesting, people were less depressed during the Great Depression, World War II and the Cold War. The state of the world seems to have little to do with depression rates.
I’ve always thought Depression and boredom went hand-in-hand. It took me awhile to figure out that my own “twentysomething” malaise sprung from a lack of participation in my own life. Externally, I looked great: young, pretty, buff. Internally, I thought I was dying a slow death. I shopped for outfits that made me look hot. I exercised to look hot. I did those two activities because I bought into the edict that I HAD to find a husband and to do that I had to look hot 24/7. Nearly drove me crazy.
That changed in my early 30’s. Whether by accident or design, people bearing amazing gifts of aliveness started entering my life. Sometimes it was a one-time encounter; others times a brief romance or a friendship. All the gifts fit together to form a message: participate in your life.
And so I did. Instead of waiting for other people or things to entertain me, I went out and found life. It was all around me! Much of it free. I re-engaged. I woke up. I cut a lot of the “should” activities. I stopped looking for a husband. (Of course, then we found each other.)
If doing what you think you’re supposed to be doing isn’t working, try doing what you want to be doing or even what you think you’re not supposed to be doing. See if that helps lift your spirits.
Be honest. Do you really have to be scurrying from one activity you don’t care about (or your child) to another? Maybe the folks that say you must do A, B, C, D and E, don’t know what they’re talking about. Maybe they’re suffering from boredom or depression. Why not call your own life shots for a change?
Got two seats left in my “live” life shop, “How to stop being so busy and start living a more meaningful life.” If you’re tired of doing the same ‘ole same ‘ole, please check out the link!
Muse thx, Giulietta
RSS
Perhaps an era will become known as the Great Boredom?
I ration myself out on films. They’re so exciting and dynamic and fast-paced and never involve things like going to the toilet or sleeping and if I watched them more often, I think I’d find my own life rather mundane!
I think we often make ourselves busy to AVOID being bored – and then the irony is that is has a knock-on effect and we’re too tired to enjoy our lives and spend our evenings watching DVDs… which makes our lives boring.
Or something like that 🙂
Corrina
Hey Corrina,
You’re probably onto something with The Great Boredom. (Good book title.) Too funny about films. Now that you mention it no one ever goes to the bathroom! (something I do more than I’d like.)
Sometimes when I’m facing some free time, I immediately think, “how will I “fill” the time?” I think we have been trained to go into ‘free-time’ panic mode so we don’t do the things we love.
But, if I just step back from the so-called activity void and breathe, I give myself space to decide what I’d really like to do and then all sorts of neat things open up in front of me. Things I love like to kayak or paint or meet a friend for a margherita or start a new essay.
Thx, G.
Giulietta–It’s so true what you say about “participating in your own life”. It is the cure for boredom and also for burnout I think.
I stopped “shoulding” on myself a long time ago. I make frequent “treat lists” and make sure to pick one thing per day from the list and do it for myself. Some days slip by without me getting to do my treat but I try to keep my commitments to myself.
Hi Cathy,
Glad you stopped by! “Treat” lists sound way better than “should” lists. Why flog yourself if you don’t have to? I’m with you on feeding ourselves daily treats. They even sound yummy. Enjoy yours today! Thx, G.
Oh, I love the “treat” idea –
For us, it is about turning off or removing ourselves from the grid in some ways. TV and computer are limited in our house and, believe it or not, we don’t own an IPOD nor does my daughter have a DS or any other gaming device. But we do have open windows, pots and dirt and sticks that are wonderful for magic potions, crayons, markers, pads, and pencils, and loads of items that are wonderful for the creation of fashion. WE have music too. We have books as well – so there is ample opportunity to be and to entertain ourselves over depending on the TV or the games or the computer for entertainment.
During the summer, we relaxed the TV rule just a bit… and then I remember why we don’t watch TV or why I would be okay getting rid of it completely… my daughter was more in touch and tuned into life and herself with the TV off!! When it was on, she was in another world… just as I can get with the computer. So now, school ahs started and the machines in our house are off… and the cats are once again fabulous playmates dashing beneath the bed for cover!
Hi TE,
I agree with Cathy! It sounds like a cool world at your home not found too many places these days, especially the magic potion ingredients. Honestly, I sometimes wish my mother had stuck with her guns to further reduce our TV watching. I remember fighting her on it and sometimes winning, sometimes not. “But all the kids are watching TV,” I said. As an adult, I can see how completely lame that argument was. Back then we only had 2, 4, 5 and 7, 38 and 56 so there wasn’t that much on anyway. Still, I could have watched even less and survived. The staggering amount of channels these days further adds to mind-numbification. It’s easy to get locked into endless channel surfing, never settling on any channel. Thanks! G.
My dear Exception-
Your home sounds like a wonderful place to be–your description made me want to get up from my computer and come over to your place. 🙂
Giulietta: I love your recommendation to take control of your life and do what you want. That’s what it is all about. It is so easy to just become consumed with what we are doing and all are tasks, but you are so right that we have to change things if we aren’t really enjoying what we are doing. Great piece of motivation and inspiration. Thanks for passing it along.
Hi Sibyl,
Yes! We’ve been trained to become task masters of tasks we don’t even want to do. How did that happen? Thx. G.
Giulietta, I think you tapped into something important here. I’d never quite realized that this constant quest for “business” might be just a reflexion of boredom or worse, apathy.
I agree about little life enthusiasm. Rather, it’s a dependence, not so much on TV as some people think, but on all the electronic gadgets – computers, mobile phones, I-pods, I-Pads, constantly taking photos and films with I-phones, endless texting (major), Twittering inanities or watching them on U-tube, Facebook, etc. Yes, that keeps people busy, busy, but do all these techie related activities truly make them feel alive? Or just connected, which seems to be the catchword these days? Or is it multi-tasking? You know, simultaneously texting/Twittering/talking/messaging/eating/listening to music and who knows what else? All these gadgets help camouflage their internal boredom and their inability to let their own minds entertain them.
Hey Penelope,
I tend to think that all the electronic gadgetry provides yet another place to hide from life, from full blown participation, from feeling alive.
Instead of everyone writing on people’s FB walls they used to be friends with, why not get together with the person. We’re connected or so they say, but are we really down deep where emotions lie and risks happen? Yes, it’s a good way to meet new people and share ideas. Taking it to face-to-face is a whole other level.
I agree that the gadgets keep folks from letting their own minds entertain them. That’s what I loved about summer camp when I went years ago. We had nothing but our imaginations and books and trees. Zip! One of the most “connected” times of my life … Thx for the visit. Fun to hear from you. G.
You’re very inspiring and witty, G. Love the story about your quest to be “hot.” And wow, I had no idea that people were less depressed during the actual Depression and Big War. It does make sense, though. They had such a sense of community, of coming together, of belonging and feeling a part of something. Those are in short supply these days, but would be an antidote for the malaise that surrounds us, I think. Oh, and about boredom – I did a teensy bit of research on it earlier this year because I wrote a post about it – and as it turns out it’s not the boredom itself that’s the problem. Boredom, in fact, is a precursor to creativity! Like you said, you had to rely on your imagination at summer camp. The problem these days is that we never actually let ourselves get bored enough to rely on our imaginations, because there’s always some mind-numbing bit of technology to distract us: TV, computer, facebook, etc., etc. I’ve sure experienced that. But when I put it all aside and get out my art journal or roust myself out into the garden, then everything changes. Thanks, G.
Hi Patty! Great point about us not entering boredom because it’s in check by the constant noise. That makes complete sense. I never thought of that.
Maybe we need peace and quiet to slip into pre-creativity (boredom) in order to enter the creative zone. Another good reason to bring back peace and quiet, beauty and repose (a camp song I used to sing.)
The noise/brain pollution is staggering …
thx! G.
Love this post, Giulietta. Why oh why do so many people follow the herd by doing the “shoulds”?
Lately, my little family stopped committing to weekend plans. There’s a steady stream of invitations for barbecues, dinners, playdates, etc., but we’re enjoying doing what feels right. It’s so nice to show up somewhere because we want to be there and not because we made a commitment to show up. It’s also just as nice to get in a car and drive to a new-to-me town and go exploring, or jsut stay home and enjoy each other’s company.
There’s a whole world of exciting possibilities once we engage in our lives. Full participation — that’s one “should” I happily get behind.
Hi Belinda,
Actually, you just made me realize there’s a “should” epidemic! Thx. That’s neat your family will be more spontaneous on the weekends. Weekends are supposed to be a time of rest and play not more regimentation.
It’s almost like we’re in some kind of activity army with the schedule we’ve set for ourselves.
Enjoy your new found easy going weekends. Sounds like a grand life experiment.
Thx, G.