Take Back Your Life!

Hey rule breakers,

I’m listening to a book on CD by Marshall Goldsmith called, “What got you here, won’t get you there.” He discusses the 20 habits that hold successful corporate types back. Even though I’m not a corporate manager, many of the habits spoke to me. Probably because at one point or another in my life, I’ve exhibited them. One in particular, I know I still do at times: Respond to someone’s comment with “No, But or However.” Marshall says that we do this to make ourselves right and the other person wrong.

Yikes!

Never thought of it that way. It makes sense. His advice? Pretty simple. Stop saying those three words in response to what someone says. Let the other person be “right.”

Then I started to muse, “Why is it so hard for many of us (me at times!) to let other people be right? Or at a minimum be neither right nor wrong? I can see now that opinions can be expressed without keeping score or winning the debate. It all depends how you say it.

Will I ever say, “No, But or However” again? Sure. I’m human and there will be times when I may say them to save some land or historic buildings or something else I perceive to be defenseless and that’s o.k. I’m just going to try and be more aware of it in situations that are not life or death, now that I know saying “No, But or However” negatively affects the person I say it too.

How about some of you? Have you noticed that you use those words in an attempt to win or be right or have the last word? Why is it hard sometimes for us humans to have win-win discussions? I’d love to hear what you think.

Muse thx, Giulietta