Do you ever feel like you’re living someone else’s life?
Dear rebellious ones,
It takes a bit of living to figure out that the life you’re living looks remarkably similar to the life everyone else seems to be living. Many of us are dancing to the same beat and it may not be a song we even like.
After a few carefree childhood years, most of us are slowly molded into a semi-generic person that’s conditioned to believe she or he needs to keep jumping through an endless series of conformist hoops (while teetering on the treadmill) to find happiness and success. The problem? As soon as you jump through one hoop, a new one appears in front of you, often higher. It’s always the next hoop you’re promised that will bring you the life you desire.
It’s tiring to keep jumping through the hoops. In your twenties, it’s easy. Into your thirties and beyond you begin to stumble, get bruised, get whacked by the hoops, get one leg stuck, get foot pain, get life pain. It provides no rest for the jumping weary.
- Some folks don’t notice the hoops, so it doesn’t bother them.
- Some folks notice the hoops and train themselves not to let the constant jumping bother them
- Some folks notice the hoops and it bothers them in a big way but they may or may not know how to clear their lives of the hoops.
That must be many of you or you wouldn’t be reading a blog called “Take Back Your Life.”
The good news is that you don’t have to live someone else’s life. The other good news is that it doesn’t take as much life rearranging as you might think to get off the treadmill and start ignoring the hoops.
I’d like to share a few tips to help you start living your own life.
a) Name your hoops. That way you can see how similar or different they are from everyone else’s. Pick the hoop you find the most bothersome and ask yourself why you keep jumping through it.
b) Unplug your “going nowhere treadmill” for 15-minutes a day. When you’re ready, start adding another five minutes each day. Do something different during that unplugged time.
c) Turn around and look back at your life. Loosely calculate how much time has been spent doing things you love versus things you do not love.
Got any great ideas for getting off treadmills or avoiding hoops? Love to hear!
Thx.
Giulietta, former hoop jumper
p.s. For those in the Greater Boston Area, please consider attending my life shop, “How to stop being so busy and start living a more meaningful life.” It’s on February 26th at The Zen Bungalow in Hopkinton, MA (Start town of the Boston Marathon.)
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We are kindred spirits on this topic, G. Thanks for sharing the message in such an empowering way!
Hi Angie,
We are! Hmmm. gave me an idea. will be in touch at some point about it. Thanks for stopping by. G.
Giulietta, I’m smiling because I wrote a post about wounds and pain this week that indicates more or less how long ago the 20s are for me.
Having a 4yo son, I’ve been thinking about education in a way I never have before. So much of our conformist tendencies are learned in school and yet there’s much about going through the system that prepares us for the inevitable bruises of life. All that to say that I agree with your tips. Naming the hoop can be a very fulfilling and empowering exercise. A little creativity recommended to make it even more fun.
BTW, I read your starry night essay and thought it was wonderful.
Hi Belinda,
I appreciate you reading The Starry Night. Education/conformity is an interesting subject, something I, too, find myself drawn too. Am planning on writing about it for my next news.column on education. What you say about preparing for the bruises adds a new dimension to the debate. I’ve always thought education wasn’t really about education as much as it was about learning the rules. For example, we stood in line constantly, sometimes as punishment for one child not conforming. Then I got into post school life and I found myself standing obediently in line.
Will check out your post on your 20’s. Love to hear about that decade.
Thx! G.
I recently unplugged for a whole week. It was an amazing experience and I feel more grounded now.
Thanks, Giulietta. We need muses like you to remind us to stay grounded.
~ Milli
Hi Milli,
How liberating to unplug for an entire week! A vacation from technology. Great way to re-connect to yourself and find some peace and quiet. We have a tendency to want to “fill up” all the available time with various kinds of noise. A walk in the woods still ranks high on my list of de-stressors! Thx G.
Hi Giulietta,
I like the sound of your workshop. I could definitely use it – except I’m too busy to come! LOL. Actually, I’m a bit too far away to attend, or I would. Great to know I’m not the only who trips on her hoops sometimes.
Hi Angela,
Maybe we need a “busy timeout day,” where folks need to do relaxing, slow things. What you said reminded me of the slow food movement. I need to check that out more, maybe form a local group! Appreciate you stopping by. Thx, G.
Hi Giulietta,
Can you pop over to my site today as I would love your answer to my current question! In fact, you can write a post for the answer which would be fabulous as I think it is a good one.
Hi TE,
One of my favorite topics on your site – the hellacious resume! Have written a paragraph in your comments section …
Thx for making my day! G.
Hi Giulietta: I’m one of those people who always felt I was living my own life. Perhaps this was because I was brought up in other countries where individuality was more encouraged.
As for hoops, I’d rather refer to them as challenges. I’ve had to jump through a lot of hoops in my life – but then, who hasn’t? – and though it never gets easier, at least I know that I can. Once you’ve done it a few times, you won’t let another hoop faze you.
P.S. Please include last blog posts
Hi Penelope!
Wonderful to hear. You sound like a champion hoop jumper. Good ability to have.
thx, G.
Giulietta,
I’ve been getting better at choosing when to jump and when not to jump. I still occasionally get caught in a hoop, but not as frequently, which is nice.
I have no secret formula for dealing with the “hoops” of life…my strategy seems to be things get better with age:~)
Good luck with your workshop!
Hey Sara,
Yes, jumping does seem to improve with age! As do a lot of other things. We sometimes have to exchange smooth skin for wisdom and self-acceptance and a lot of other neat gifts.
Thanks for the life shop well wishes! G.
Hey there former hoop jumper,
I got this really cool hula hoop this past summer, and we’re having a blast with it (well…we were when it was nice outside!!). Now that’s the kind of hoop that is FUN to jump through!
Wait! That’s NOT the hoop you’re talking about, is it?!?!
And I’ve found, even recently, that when I think I’m not choosing to jump through those conformist hoops, sometimes I still am. So, this is good for me to read today. And I have some plans to take a step back from those hoops (not the hula, though!)….
Hey Lance,
I love hula hoops too! Tons of fun. Now that you mention it, I’d like to find a hula hoop class around here.
Maybe the hoops that we choose to step into are good for us versus the ones that others shove in front of us?
Thank you for stopping by. I adore your blog, especially the name … G.