Do you try to control life’s flow?
I love horses and period dramas, so the Masterpiece Theatre production of South Riding caught my eye.
Immediately, I adored the lead heroine, Sarah Burton. She’s forward-thinking, bold, rebellious, and sassy. Early in Part 1, she goes for a job interview to be the headmistress of a girl’s school. Unlike most job candidates who’ve been groomed to figure out what the interviewers want and parrot that back, she directs the interview — speaking passionately about her unconventional views (for the time) on life and women. The board of directors almost doesn’t hire her because of her straight-forwardness, but thankfully it’s a mini-series and the story will flop without an “alive” heroine, so she’s offered the position.
I recall some of my own job interviews. Once, I seemed to be doing really “well” interviewing for a university research position until I got to the ubiquitous and loathsome, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” My retort, “I consider myself a dynamic person and therefore cannot tell you where I will be in five years.”
WRONG.
Got a strange stare and a quickly truncated interview. Was I supposed to say, “In a high level research position? In your director’s position? As a college professor?” As it turns out, I spoke the truth because I left that arena to pursue something more creative: graphic design & writing. Yet, at the time I couldn’t have told you that’s where I be in five years because it wasn’t on my radar. I know folks who interview candidates and ask that question, knowing in their own hearts they want to move on, too, and try something else.
Related to this is an article I read on Dick Van Dyke. He says, “My whole life has just been going with the flow, no destination in mind … I ended up in a place I never dreamed of ending up.”
That’s in stark contrast to today’s message to steer your life, to plot out every minute of it, so you end up in a fancy gated community when you’re a senior citizen. It seems to be more about the ending than the middle, where the juice is.
Is one right or wrong? No. We each have a different current within us.
Yet, I wonder if our training to control life’s flow and utter on demand where we’ll be in five years makes for a life where most of us end up fighting our own inner current. Do you need to know where you’ll be in five years or just where you are today? What might your life look like if you concentrated more on today than tomorrow? Would you make different decisions?
Please speak your bold and sassy minds! Thanks, G.
p.s. Want to write more juicy, alive prose? Please check out my class at Story Circle. Why? Because it might be the missing X factor in your writing. The writing adventure is on-line, so you can join us 24/7 from anywhere in the world.
RSS
Hi Giulietta,
There was a phase in my life (read 22 years of my existence) when I tried so hard to make sure certainty was my side.
I scored well in school to ensure that I got into a good college, I scored a distinction in my engineering to ensure that I landed a good job… and life worked with a mechanical precision that would make any manufacturing factory jealous… 🙂
And today, I’m a teacher teaching grade 2 kids in a low-income school in India… I threw certainty and control out of the window and embraced uncertainty with open arms… and it feels awesome. 🙂
Came across this in a movie I watched a couple of years ago:
I believe we write our own stories and each time we think we know the end, we don’t. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, of chance and in the peace that comes from knowing that you just can’t know it all. Life’s funny that way… once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong. –Little Black Book
Hi Chaitra,
Let go of the wheel! Such a grand quote. Fascinating how you’ve detoured from the math/science path the world seems to be pushing everyone to get on, to guiding low-income children.
I’m betting that no one pushes today’s high school students to get on the path to teaching children in need. (In South Riding, Sarah’s low income student writes the most magical poem. I will try and find it.)
I’ve got a theory that may or may not be correct: the world doesn’t need everyone to excel in math-science and the real need is for folks to follow their own hearts and fan out across a more natural spectrum.
Appreciate your comment! G.
I love your answer to the question. It is one that fits my own answer. If I were to have predicted my five years I would have either steered myself in an entirely different direction or totally been mistaken. For me, it is that I have no idea what opportunities and possibilities will arise – where the path will lead… and thus, I can’t tell you where I will be five years from today, but I can tell you that I will have lived quite a life!
Hey TE,
Now that would make a wonderful answer to that seemingly strange five-year question, “To have lived quite a life.”
I’d hire you! (It seems weird to me that job applicants are supposed to practice their answers.) If we’re plodding along some rigid path, we may miss the opportunities and possibilities that try and capture our attention.
Thanks! G.
Such an interesting question. I’ve seldom, if ever, known where I’ll be next year, much less in 5 years. Some people can follow a plan, but a boring, well-planned life is not for me. I don’t think that planning works well for people with an adventurous or creative spirit. We like to live life as it comes, with all its ups and downs and funny little surprises. That’s what I love most – the surprises in life that have taken me along such a variety of paths with Adventure and Experience nodding their heads at me on my way. I fell into a career, advertising, by accident and never looked back in 30 years. Even at this point in my life when I “should” be planning for my old age, There are still more surprises ahead for me. I just never know what’s around that next corner.
While this isn’t about job interviews, I can’t resist telling my story. In the 60s, I applied for a position as PR for an independent international airline in London. I was the very last person to be interviewed out of over a hundred (as it was a glamorous, well-paid job), late on a Friday afternoon. My worn-out future boss’s first question was, abruptly, “Do you drink?”
I remember thinking, does it show? But I answered, “Well, yes, I love drinking good wine.”
“Thank God,” he said. “The last girl I interviewed was a teetotaler, and we can’t have a non-drinker in this job.”
Needless to say, I was hired. But those were other times.
http://www.donthangupbook.com/blog
Hi Penelope,
You make such a great point about interviewing, sometimes it’s about something that has nothing to do with what the interviewing books tell you. You went with your true self and viola, you got the job. The books/experts might have said, “say you rarely drink.”
I’m with you on the surprises. Going through life with Adventure and Experience on your side must have been really exciting! You’ve got so many fantastic stories.
It bothers me that our technology is trying to take the surprise out of life – from not letting us ever get lost – to trying to predict who will get what disease when. (So many factors go into what we call dis-ease that I’m concerned the potential might bring something on that might never surface otherwise.)
Have had many wonderful times in the thick of being lost. (Hmm. my next post?) Do not have one of those talking lady computers in my car and hope not to. I enjoy the challenge of figuring out how to get somewhere – must be my inner lewis and clark. Did you sign up for comment luv yet. It will show your latest post.
Thx, G.
I’ve always found that goals help me grow my skills, and that leads me to places I never imagined.
So for me it’s not the goal, but the growing that counts.
Hey J.D.,
Thanks for your insights.
You point out that there are many ways to swim through life and what matters isn’t how you get there but if you get there.
Some folks do better with structure and others without it. Much appreciated, G.
Giulietta,
I absolutely love this – I also loved what Dick Van Dyke said since I often say that myself about following your intuition!
I think it’s a fine line between a bit of planning and then letting the Universe take you to the high points on your path. It’s best to have an overall vision of your life that includes the type of experiences you wish to have but not to be so specific that you close the door on surprise twists and turns that can take you to those more exciting places you hadn’t dreamed of as Van Dyke pointed out.
Hey Angela,
What you say here really speaks to me “It’s best to have an overall vision of your life that includes the type of experiences you wish to have …” I’ve never heard anyone say it quite like that. Ah, the customized experiences. Now, most of us get pushed into following a rather generic blueprint. Just look at our kitchens as an example. Most are really similar. Yet, we are all so different. Many thanks! G.
Love this Giulietta. I like to enjoy the minute that I am in. You never know when there isn’t going to be another minute. When I think of where I may be in five years. It really doesn’t matter, because I believe I will be where I belong.
We all have a sixth sense and when we plan to much we are giving away control of who we really are. Sometimes we plan so much that in five years we are still at the starting line with our plans.
You ask, ” What might your life look like if you concentrated more on today than tomorrow?” Much happier, because you didn’t miss out on the day to day excitement and fun. I concentrate on today and loving it. Debbie
Hi Debbie,
Thank you for going with the flow and stopping by! I can tell you cherish the moment by the tone of your comment. Most buoyant!
Yes, let’s love today.
I’m with you on too much planning. It’s a great way to avoid jumping right in and going with the flow. Used to see that a lot with colleagues, they kept getting ready to do a study but rarely progressed past the initial steps. Years would go by …
Enjoy! G.