Take Back Your Life!

Hey rebellious ones,

I see people biting their tongues all the time. They don’t agree with what’s being said, yet they do not feel comfortable expressing their opinions. Why? Because we’ve gotten messages from a variety of sources since childhood that encourages us to muffle our opinions. People tell us

a) nice people don’t disagree

b) it will make things worse

c) you’ll upset the other person

d) your boss will fire you

e) you’ll be disliked

f) It’s impossible to express your opinion in a compassionate way.

I found most of these to be false. Speaking up can not only make you feel more powerful, but also improve your relationships with others. How can a friendship survive if one of the friends harbors secret anger at the other? Would you like it if your friend acted weird towards you but kept saying “nope, everything’s fine” when you asked him or her if anything was bothering them?

Frankly, I believe most of us are afraid of our own power, afraid of what our power can do. So, we hide from it and choose the so called safe path. Ironically, it’s really the more dangerous path — for it endangers your health, your dreams, and your happiness.

Opportunities to speak up surround you

You can write a letter to the editor or an opinion piece.
You can join an in-person discussion group on topics of interest.
You can ask a friend out to lunch and reveal something that’s been bothering you.
You can clear some air with a family member that’s been causing you stress.
You can ask a telemarketer to please not call you anymore.
You can write a song.

The more you learn to speak up, the less stressful your life will be.

Muse thx,
Giulietta

Dear Lovers of Life,

I recently gave a blouse to charity that I bought six years ago, yet never wore. It was beautiful, but I kept “saving” it for a “special” occasion. Before a party or business event, I’d take it out of my closet, hold it up to myself in the mirror, feel pretty and then put it back! Never a good enough occasion.

By the time I found a “good” enough occasion, my pretty blouse no longer fit my style. I’d changed and it didn’t feel right when I put it on. It stayed in the closet for an additional few years.

Many folks do the same thing with their lives that I did with my shirt — they save it for retirement or after the kids get out of school or when they make more money or some other excuse. They want to do exciting things, yet don’t because it’s not the right time. Waiting for the right time, doesn’t make sense when most of us have no idea how long we’ll be a visitor on our beautiful planet.

Does that sound like you? Can you pinpoint why you keep putting off your life? Most of the reasons that stand in the way of you doing what you want in life are just excuses. Ask what the excuses shield you from? What will happen if you start doing some of these things?

What have you been putting off in your life and why? Or, what did you finally stop putting off and how did that change your life?

Muse thx,

Giulietta

Hi rebellious readers,

I spent part of Sunday cleaning out my bureau drawers. For the first time in years, I now have enough room inside for the things I actually use, the stuff that’s usually sprawled on top.

I tossed out buttons for sweaters I no longer own, holiday cards from the last 7 years, airline/hotel info from a trip taken 4 years ago, yellowed shopping receipts, old lipsticks, empty plastic checkbook covers, broken earrings, random pieces of scribble, a 2 foot piece of rope, a ripped swim cap, medals from 20 years ago, broken jewelry, nail files, stretch bands for exercises I’m never going to do, old cat toys and dust.

There’s even more that I’ve heaped together for my first ever yard sale in the spring.

What was I saving this stuff for? What are you saving your stuff for? And why do we have so much stuff to begin with?

For a good chuckle, here’s a link to Comedian George Carlin’s timeless routine about stuff.

CARLIN ON STUFF

Way too much of life is spent managing stuff, protecting stuff, dragging around stuff, hiding stuff, crying over stuff, comparing stuff, worrying about stuff. If we can get out from underneath the weight of all this stuff, maybe we can lead the lives we desire?

How about you? Do you control your stuff or does it control you?

Happy 2010! The year of less stuff.

Muse thx,

Giulietta

Hey People Who Like To Do Things Differently,

I’m designating today “Flaunt Your Flaws Day.” The intense societal pressure to be perfect can make you do crazy things. It can drive you over the edge of despair. It can make you second guess your every move.

Forget perfect. It’s not achievable or desirable.

I used to think I had to be perfect: say perfect things, look perfect, be in perfect shape, be a perfect employee, be a perfect wife, be a perfect friend, be a perfect daughter, be a perfect small business owner.

Not interested in being perfect anymore. I want to be me with my so called flaws. Flaws get a bad rap. We’re supposed to keep working on them until they disappear. Flaws are the flip side of your greatest strength. You can’t be great without a balancing flaw. To be flawless is to be mediocre, to be unreal, to be dull and boring, to never make anyone mad, to always go along with the program, to live in fear.

The late, great Paul Newman said, “If you don’t have enemies, you don’t have character.”

Society and its institutions try to remove people’s flaws. Yet, if you remove them, you remove what’s unique, different and compelling about a person.

Take me. My greatest strength? You can’t pull the wool over my eyes. I will investigate anything that doesn’t add up and take action. My greatest flaw? You can’t pull the wool over my eyes. I will annoy anyone who does not want the status quo challenged/changed, who does not want anyone to look under the floor boards or take action.

If you get rid of your greatest strength, then you will also get rid of your greatest flaw. For that reason, I say celebrate your flaws!

What strength/flaw can you celebrate? Or maybe you don’t agree. I’d like to hear it and so would my open-minded readers.

Muse thx,

Giulietta

Hey rule breakers,

I’m listening to a book on CD by Marshall Goldsmith called, “What got you here, won’t get you there.” He discusses the 20 habits that hold successful corporate types back. Even though I’m not a corporate manager, many of the habits spoke to me. Probably because at one point or another in my life, I’ve exhibited them. One in particular, I know I still do at times: Respond to someone’s comment with “No, But or However.” Marshall says that we do this to make ourselves right and the other person wrong.

Yikes!

Never thought of it that way. It makes sense. His advice? Pretty simple. Stop saying those three words in response to what someone says. Let the other person be “right.”

Then I started to muse, “Why is it so hard for many of us (me at times!) to let other people be right? Or at a minimum be neither right nor wrong? I can see now that opinions can be expressed without keeping score or winning the debate. It all depends how you say it.

Will I ever say, “No, But or However” again? Sure. I’m human and there will be times when I may say them to save some land or historic buildings or something else I perceive to be defenseless and that’s o.k. I’m just going to try and be more aware of it in situations that are not life or death, now that I know saying “No, But or However” negatively affects the person I say it too.

How about some of you? Have you noticed that you use those words in an attempt to win or be right or have the last word? Why is it hard sometimes for us humans to have win-win discussions? I’d love to hear what you think.

Muse thx, Giulietta

At his concerts, Bruce Springsteen is famous for yelling out, “Is there anybody alive out there?” It’s also a lyric from his song “Radio Nowhere.”

I often wonder that myself. Sure, people are clinically alive, but are they emotionally, mentally and spiritually alive? Are they waking up in the morning with a zest for life? There’s a big difference between following the beaten path and following your own path, between going through robotic motions and going through your own unique motions, between sleepwalking through life and going through life wide awake.

In my twenties & early thirties, I can say with absolute certainty I was sleepwalking through life. I looked for a mate, tried feverishly to eradicate the microscopic sliver of cellulite on the back of my thighs, shopped for outfits that made me look “hot” and tried to hold onto whatever job I had. I woke up every morning thinking, “Is this all there is?”

Fortunately, something woke me up, something slapped me on the face until I came to, something broke the stupor I’d encased myself in. For me it was singing. What a difference! Now, I can’t wait to get up in the morning, to learn something new, to meet someone new, to try something new.

I met a woman once who told me she felt dead inside. I wonder how many other people feel that way. As Tony Manero said in Saturday Night Fever, “There’s ways of killing yourself without killing yourself.”

Instead of raising our next generation to be dutiful consumers, why not raise them to be alive people? Can you imagine a world where people are encouraged to go for their “it” instead of being encouraged to hold back and hold on and hold out (usually for the lowest discount price?)

I’ll leave you with more lyrics from Radio Nowhere in the hopes we can turn life into Radio Somewhere …

“I was spinnin’ around a dead dial
Just another lost number in a file
Dancin’ down a dark hole
Just searchin’ for a world with some soul”

Muse thx, Giulietta

Hi!

I used to take writing rejections personally, analyzing what might have happened way too long. For example, if an essay was rejected it emotionally paralyzed me.  I thought my writing must be terrible. I should quit. No one wants my writing.

Bring out the violins.

As it turned out, I just needed to take a class, do some tweaking and send it to a different editor.  Once I did, it all fell into place and I learned from the experience. Do I still get my writing rejected? Sure. All writers do. It’s part of the deal when you take on writing. What’s changed is that I keep tweaking and sending it out. I don’t let myself get all teary eyed.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a piece of writing is to send it out and get it rejected. Like magic, it becomes clear what I need to change. So, I do.

Self-pity is a bad play to visit. It’s o.k. to stop there briefly but if you find yourself showing up with a packed bag, do whatever it takes to get out of self-pity town. It’s filled with writers who couldn’t deal with rejection.

Remember, when someone rejects your writing for whatever reason that’s just that person’s opinion. It’s also a great learning opportunity.

If your writing gets rejected, ask yourself three questions.

Do I know for a fact it was rejected because it wasn’t good?

Does it change who I think I am as a person?

How can I learn from this rejection?

If you believe in a piece of writing, never stop working on it or sending it out. You will find a home for it …

Muse thanks,

Giulietta

Hi singers and potential singers,

A new karaoke night started in my town. It’s in the place that used to have karaoke a few years ago. A smaller space with great accoustics and a huge song list. My favorite karaoke combos.

Karaoke has the power to change your life. I know because it changed mine. Most us of think we cannot sing. I don’t know where this comes from, but it’s not true. It’s the rare person who cannot carry a tune and even that person may be listening to a pre-programmed voice that started in his or her youth.

I believe singing comes naturally to humans. During my three summers of eight-week overnight camp, we were always belting out tunes. In our cabins, at our meals, on the bus, on hikes in the woods.

Singing liberates. And it’s free! You can sing anytime you want. If you want to liberate your voice, consider a singing teacher. I can recommend someone great in my town! The lessons liberate that which is already there, that which has been supressed.

I’m forming a karaoke club for people who want to sing but don’t want to venture out at night alone. Email me if you’re interested!

Muse thx,

Giulietta

Dear thoughtful reader,

My car is in the shop today for a leaking radiator. What started out as a drip two days ago turned into catastrophic radiator failure this morning. Amazing how fast a car ailment can come on. The car’s getting on in mileage so heftier repair items are happening with more frequency. Once they’re all fixed I hope it’s smooth sailing for another 50,000 miles.

Still cheaper than a new car payment though. When I was younger, I had to have a new car every 3 or 4 years. I struggled with the payment, but it seemed worth it to look cool in my new car. Now, I’ll do anything to avoid a car payment. It feels like an albatross I don’t want to carry around my neck.

Car payments got me thinking of all the monthly items we now have to pay for: cell phone, cable, internet, regular phone, electricity, mortgage, car insurance, home insurance, water delivery. If you commute, you can add on train tickets, parking passes, etc. It’s hard to get ahead with all these seemingly mandatory monthly payments.

Although many of us may crave simplicity, we’re getting complexity disguised as simplicity. At least that’s how I see it. But maybe you disagree with me? Maybe you feel you’re getting more simplicity with all your gadgets and monthly payments?

Please tell me more!

Muse thx. Giulietta

Hi friends,

As a child, I had no problem speaking up. It came naturally. If something didn’t make sense to my little 6-year-old mind, I asked questions until it did. Now as I got older, I started to get in trouble for asking questions, for questioning the status quo. Sent to my room or sent to a classroom corner or sent to the unemployment line.

I got the message loud and clear: the best way to get along was to go along. I bit my tongue for ten long years. But this left me feeling crazy and out of sorts with myself. I decided the best way for me to get along was to not go along. In a society that values obedience, the easiest way to do this is to forget the outcome. If I dwelled on the possible outcomes – none of which might even happen – I became paralyzed with fear.

Let go of the outcome and you’ll get go of the fear. Is there something you need to say?

Muse thx,

Giulietta