I wonder if there’s a boredom epidemic out “there.”

Why? I see such little life enthusiasm. Yes, folks are busy, busy, busy running around, but do the activities shrouded in this busyness truly make them feel alive? And it’s not just the parents who are bored, the children seem to be bored as well. It all seems to be fueling a rise in depression among people of all ages. A January 2010 article in Psychology Today said that the mental health and happiness of children has been declining since the 1950′s. Even more interesting, people were less depressed during the Great Depression, World War II and the Cold War. The state of the world seems to have little to do with depression rates.

I’ve always thought Depression and boredom went hand-in-hand. It took me awhile to figure out that my own “twentysomething” malaise sprung from a lack of participation in my own life. Externally, I looked great: young, pretty, buff. Internally, I thought I was dying a slow death. I shopped for outfits that made me look hot. I exercised to look hot. I did those two activities because I bought into the edict that I HAD to find a husband and to do that I had to look hot 24/7. Nearly drove me crazy.

That changed in my early 30′s. Whether by accident or design, people bearing amazing gifts of aliveness started entering my life. Sometimes it was a one-time encounter; others times a brief romance or a friendship. All the gifts fit together to form a message: participate in your life.

And so I did. Instead of waiting for other people or things to entertain me, I went out and found life. It was all around me! Much of it free. I re-engaged. I woke up. I cut a lot of the “should” activities. I stopped looking for a husband. (Of course, then  we found each other.)

If doing what you think you’re supposed to be doing isn’t working, try doing what you want to be doing or even what you think you’re not supposed to be doing. See if that helps lift your spirits.

Be honest. Do you really have to be scurrying from one activity you don’t care about (or your child) to another? Maybe the folks that say you must do A, B, C, D and E, don’t know what they’re talking about. Maybe they’re suffering from boredom or depression. Why not call your own life shots for a change?

Got two seats left in my “live” life shop, “How to stop being so busy and start living a more meaningful life.” If you’re tired of doing the same ‘ole same ‘ole, please check out the link!

Muse thx, Giulietta

Most of us spent our youths waiting to get permission from parents or teachers to do the things we wanted to do. Then we went to work and got permission from our bosses to do the things we wanted to do. It eased us gently or not-so-gently into a permission-based life, where we ask others of all ages if it’s o.k. to do the things we want to do.

By the time we reach mid-life, many folks have instituted a self-imposed restraining order to the point they don’t even ask permission anymore. Even that’s been beaten out of them.

I semi went along with getting permission until I went on a bike trip to Europe in the early 90′s. A few of us went down to the beach and started walking along the shore. About 15 minutes later, I noticed a no trespassing sign, stopped and obediently said, “Hey, we should turn around.” One woman with a fiery spirit kept walking. She said, “If someone doesn’t want us to be here, they’ll let us know.”

Her words started me in my tracks! They got me going forward. They empowered me to stop living a permission-based life. If I get a great idea and someone wants to be a barrier, I simply go around them. My philosophy? They’ll see how great what I’m doing is and want to join in. If not, oh well! It’s a great way to take back your power …

How about you, have you ever lived a permission-based life? If liberated, how does that feel?

Muse thx,

Giulietta

I helped a bumblebee get out of my laundry room and return to freedom yesterday. In the process, I noticed how tiny its wings were in comparison to its large body and watched in amazement as the little flapping wings lifted the bee up off the windowsill and through the open window into my yard.

My up-close-and-personal moment with the bee piqued my curiosity, so I googled bumblebees. One of the entries I clicked was a quote by Mary Kay Ash, ”Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway.”

Her quote on the courageous little bumblebee got me thinking how imprisoned most of us have become by our own little wings (aka limited belief systems.) Unlike the bumblebee, most of us humans use our our little wings as excuses for not even trying. At least once a week, someone tells me why what sounds like a great idea will not work. “It can’t be done,” she or he says. I respond with, “What makes you think that?” Because she or he says, “It’s not practical” or “it’s never been done before.”

That’s just a cop out, a fear of trying something unknown. Much easier and safer to say, “It can’t be done.” Why not believe everything’s possible? From my own experiences in life, if you think something can be done it can be.

I wanted to stop some rezoning from taking place in my town. Lots of people said, “It’s a done deal, don’t even bother to try.” In my mind, there are no such things as done deals. I hooked up with some other folks who believed we could stop it and we proceeded as if we could. It worked.

When you believe in your mind and your heart that something can happen, then you start acting in ways that make that possibility a reality.

Is there something you’d like to attempt but those close to you or even you yourself keep saying, “don’t bother, it can’t be done?”

Muse Thx,

Giulietta

p.s. I’d love to have 499 subscribers to my blog by August 1st. If you like what I write about,  perhaps you will help me by subscribing to Take Back Your Life updates via RSS or Email? Thank you.

A few weeks ago, I left a comment on a blog and won a DVD called, The Hustle for Worthiness, by Brene Brown. I enjoyed the entire DVD. It’s excellent. Some advice Brene passed along from a friend reinforced something I’ve been talking about for years. (I don’t have the exact quote cause I lent the DVD to someone!) The gist of it was, if you want to save the women, you have to save the men, too.

Makes sense, right?

If women are oppressed by their roles, then men are too. Not all women agree with this. I did a lot of research and wrote a paper on liberating men in grad school. My female teacher slammed it. I got it back covered with unflattering comments scrawled in red and an unexpected B-, the lowest grade I got on any paper in my three years of study.

Did I produce an inferior paper or did I choose an inferior topic? Got my own theory.

I know that a lot of men out there have dreams too. They’ve told me. The problem being men and women both get locked into the generic American Dream to work and consume, work and consume. It doesn’t leave men a lot of options once a family gets entrenched in this cycle. Then folks succumb to the “it’s too late now” or “I’ll do things once my children graduate from college.”

I wonder if sacrificing your own life for your children, who will then presumably sacrifice their lives for their children ( and so on), if this model really creates a happy adult society? Wouldn’t a thriving society filled with active participants of all ages be more vibrant?

Yes? No?

If you’re woman, would you be willing to reduce your standard of living so your husband can try something new? Have you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on saving the men too …

Muse thx, Giulietta

I see people biting their tongues all the time. They don’t agree with what’s being said, yet they do not feel comfortable expressing their opinions. Why? Because we’ve gotten messages from a variety of sources since childhood that encourages us to muffle our opinions. People tell us

a) nice people don’t disagree

b) it will make things worse

c) you’ll upset the other person

d) your boss will fire you

e) you’ll be disliked

f) It’s impossible to express your opinion in a compassionate way.

I found most of these to be false. Speaking up can not only make you feel more powerful, but also improve your relationships with others. How can a friendship survive if one of the friends harbors secret anger at the other? Would you like it if your friend acted weird towards you but kept saying “nope, everything’s fine” when you asked him or her if anything was bothering them?

Frankly, I believe most of us are afraid of our own power, afraid of what our power can do. So, we hide from it and choose the so called safe path. Ironically, it’s really the more dangerous path — for it endangers your health, your dreams, and your happiness.

Opportunities to speak up surround you

You can write a letter to the editor or an opinion piece.
You can join an in-person discussion group on topics of interest.
You can ask a friend out to lunch and reveal something that’s been bothering you.
You can clear some air with a family member that’s been causing you stress.
You can ask a telemarketer to please not call you anymore.
You can write a song.

The more you learn to speak up, the less stressful your life will be.

Muse thx,
Giulietta

It seems like we’re constantly being told to fix this or fix that about our relationships, our personalities, and our businesses. E-newsletters ask me if I’m procrastinating, if I’m afraid to sell, if I playing small, if I’m holding back, etc.

Maybe it makes more sense to concentrate on what’s really working in our lives and continue to do more of whatever that is. Expanding our greatest strengths forms the core of the burgeoning strengths movement. To keep this movement going, we’ll need to wean ourselves off of measuring everything in our lives to “see how we’re doing” or “how we compare to others.”

The problem with most metrics is that they keep you focused on the negative. Based on the results (often seemingly arbitrary), your boss, your teacher, your doctor or some other person of supposed authority in your life directs you to shore up your alleged weaknesses.

I say alleged because our society tends to fixate on weaknesses. I don’t believe in trying to fix weaknesses. Instead, I prefer to encourage and grow a person’s natural interests and inclinations. It’s pretty futile to force someone to get “good” at something they don’t care for.

Take math. I never liked math. It didn’t interest me. I wasn’t “good” at it. Yet, I spent a lot of time taking all kinds of math classes thinking I needed to be good in math. I even got a job that required me to do quite a bit of math. It started to eat me up alive because I didn’t want to do it.

Looking in life’s rear view mirror I can see now that the time I spent taking math classes kept me from taking more English classes and writing classes or just plain writing.

I loved writing and ended up doing math. Now that I’ve been back writing for about ten years, I feel like I’m where I want to be, where I was meant to be, where I got detoured from.

Our visits to Earth seem increasingly short to me, why not spend most of your precious time on this beautiful planet doing what you enjoy.

I’d love to hear what’s working in your life. What do you want more of in your life?

Muse thx,

Giulietta

I wish for folks to stop using the story, “I can’t do anything about it” as an excuse for not getting involved. Of course, you can do something about “it” – whatever your “it” is. In fact, it’s a lot easier to do something about “it” than you think. And you can start in your own backyard.

If you’re having a problem with yourself, write yourself a letter. Much will be revealed.

If you’re having a problem with a person, talk to that person.

If you’re having a problem with an issue in your town, talk to your board of selectmen and your neighbors.

If you’re having a problem with a larger local issue, write a letter to the editor or a guest column.

If you want to change something on a bigger scale, start a social movement. You’ll find that a lot of people feel just like you do. They’re ready to start the dance of change if someone else starts beating the drum.

Unless you participate, you’ll be stuck with the vision of whoever does chose to participate.

Muse thx,

Giulietta

p.s. Not having enough time does not count. We make time for the important things in our lives. There’s always time!

In 2010, I wish for folks to disobey more. That’s right.

• Stand up and be counted, even if you’re the only one doing so.
• Make a scene.
• Say, “no” to anything that goes against your values.
• Catch all the shoulds flying at you and dump them in the trash can.
• Stop going along with programs you don’t believe in.
• Start being the change you want to see in the world.

People love to use, “I can’t make a difference” as an excuse for not standing up for what they really believe. That’s a big fat lie. You can make a difference – in your own life, in your neighborhood, in your country. The real question becomes, “Do you want to make a difference?”

If your life has no spark, if you feel like a dead-zone inside, if you complain about your situation, if you feel taken advantage of, if you keep asking yourself, “is this all there is to life?” chances are good you’re still that obedient little boy or girl who didn’t make your parents mad.

Perhaps, it’s time to …

Muse thx,

Giulietta

Jamie Ridler’s wishcasting circle prompt asks readers, “What does your spirit wish for?” I wish for more folks to realize they are in charge of their own lives. Yes, it can seem like others call your shots, but only if you let them. Much of the malaise out there stems from false feelings of being out of control, of not having a say in your daily life.

What a magical, energetic world we’d have if people did more of what they wanted instead of what others wanted. Who started this silliness anyway? It’s clearly not working. Why not stop it?

Here’s an idea. Try listing all the things you believe you have to do, why you do them and what would happen if you didn’t do them. I know it can be scary to hold the power of your own life course in your hands. But wouldn’t that be better than the way you feel now?

Muse thx, Giulietta

I really enjoy Jamie Ridler’s Wednesday Wishcasting circles. The questions send me in new directions. Today’s question: What step do you wish to take? This is an easy one for me. I want to start a huge movement to save open space, to help people see that saving open space is long-term economic development. If land is finite, how can we keep turning it into asphalt fields and not ultimately harm ourselves? Again, the powers that be have us galloping so fast that we don’t even know why we are galloping and where we are galloping. But I can guarantee that is we don’t stop and figure that out, we’re going to be in trouble as a civilization.

There is a huge tract of land behind my home that is home to animals, birds, flowers, plants, sunlight, air, wildness, freedom, rocks, soil, water, history, life. It’s for sale because open space is not valued. If it were, there would be grants available or companies & governments rushing to save it from destruction. I believe that open space saves money in the long run, saves our health in the long run, saves our food supply in the long run, saves our wildness in the long run, saves our creativity in the long run, saves our humanity in the long run.

Did you ever run through fields as a child? Or lay down on your back in a  meadow for a summer nap? Or run through cornfields? The more we lose open space, the more we lose our connection to the Earth and ultimately our connection to each other.

Psst. We need to save open space. Pass it on …

Muse thx, Giulietta

p.s. Here is a local non-profit trying to do the above too! LCA Trust. Stop by …