We Are Afraid Of The Wrong Things
Hey rebellious friends,
I bought a bargain book about a month ago. Something about the title, “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart” prompted me to pick it up and thumb through it. I share most of author Gordon Livingstone’s philosophy on life and have blogged often about similar topics. I love all his chapter titles, especially the one I borrowed for today’s post: We Are Afraid of The Wrong Things.
When I listen to the news or read the newspaper, it astounds me how fear-based it is. It makes it sound like the entire world’s going to hell in a handbasket 24/7/365. Is it? For sure, terrible things do happen around the world. I just wonder what our world might look like if we “disobeyed” and took a more critical look at some of the fears that manage our lives. Like the author, I believe we spend our lives afraid of the wrong things. (Probably because those fears make lots of money for corporations/governments.)
I can’t speak for other countries, so I’ll just look at the ones that grip the US populace. My readers from other places in the world might grace the comments section with the fears your countryfolk dwell upon.
- A fear of terrorism, so much so that we entered into two wars, now going on ten+ years and have put the country on the brink of bankruptcy with thousands dead and injured.
- A fear of stranger committed crime, so much so that children no longer play outdoors unless it’s organized and we have alarms on the alarms.
- A fear of losing our possessions, so much so that we worry often about these things being taken away from us and spend thousands each year on insurance.
- A fear of not fitting in materially, so much so that we put ourselves in hock for almost our entire lives.
- A fear of getting fired, so much so that we never challenge our bosses, agree to work absurd hours and make ourselves physically ill from the stress of being yes people.
- A fear of speaking up to friends and loved ones, so much so that we keep our thoughts and opinions inside of us where they eat away at us.
- A fear of adventure, so much so that we live safe, boring lives that turn a lot of us to drugs, drink and depression.
- A fear of not getting a white collar job, so much so that we spend an absurd amount of money collecting degrees for our resumes.
- A fear of illness, so much so that many of us take harmful drugs for illnesses we don’t even have.
- A fear of life, so much so that we give up our childhood dreams in young adulthood and follow the “prescribed” generic path.
- A fear of enjoying the present moment, so much so that we destroy its beauty by drifting to the past or the future where collective fear lives.
Do I subscribe to some of the fears? Of course. I try to shake them as best as I can. It can be hard when we live in a world dominated by “fear placement.” Reminds me of the movie Inception, where Leo D. and company go into the subject’s brain to plant information. The information lords load up our brains with horrible scenarios on a daily basis.
To ameliorate the “mass produced IV fear drip,” I try to focus on the fears that matter to me.
- Will I get to the end of my life and feel like I lived it like an adventure?
- Will I stand up for my beliefs?
- Will I try to make the world more enjoyable for all, not just a few?
- Will I leave meaningful prose behind?
- Will I sing songs that take advantage of my voice?
- Will I be kind?
- Will I continue to let go of fears others try to plant in me?
- Will I continue to challenge the system?
I’d love to hear your take on our collective fears.
G.
p.s. Wild & Disobedient Writing Life Shop starts on July 11. Click on title for more juicy details.
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Great post. Funny that I just came across this quote recently:
Our doubts are traitors
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt.
– William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure
Hey RM,
What you say here with William’s quote explains a lot — when we’re afraid of things, we can end up doing a half-assed job because of our doubt, which is why the collective things we fear seem to grow instead of diminish. I read somewhere that “wars on fill-in-the-blank” do not work — they end up making things worse. (for example, the war on drugs – another budget buster.) More examples of how our fears drive us to gallop farther and farther down roads leading to mental quicksand.
Many thanks for swinging by again! G.
And also: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, … have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” ~ Mark Twain
Some of those fears are hard to shake.
Your article reminded me of Michael Moore’s movie, “Bowling for Columbine” where he pointed out the differences in Canadians and Americans and how much less fearful our northern counterparts are.
I’m also struck when I talk with my Danish friends (and an American ex-pat) at how confident and trusting they are in their governmental systems. Sure they disagree with issues and there are many debates, but they feel TAKEN CARE OF and they trust the government with their money.
In the US it strikes me there is not just a fear epidemic but also a massive failure of trust and communication. Despite my own leanings in the direction of the “individualism” thing that so permeates our culture, I can’t help thinking it is at the root of many of our problems.
If everyone is only out for themselves, you have only yourself to rely on.
If you’re taught that you’re not good enough and the world isn’t safe, it gets a lot more scary pretty fast.
Hi Jenna,
Another great quote. Love all these quotes since I’m such a quote fanatic. I agree that USers seem more frightened that folks in other parts of the world, many with things truly worth being frightened about.
I swear the kids spend a lot of time in school learning to be afraid – of authority, of getting things wrong, of taking chances.
We have a big fear industry, for sure.
Appreciate your comment as always! G.
Hi G!
I was just having a conversation with a client about this today. Tony Robbins tackles this so well: What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail, couldn’t make a mis-step, couldn’t possibly make a mistake. How would that affect your thoughts and actions. Who would you be?
And yes, FEAR is what drives much of industry in the U.S.
great post.
Hi Cathy,
Thanks for the comment. I’d love for the US economy to reverse engines and be love driven or kindness driven or fun driven — anything but what it is. Tony Robbins has a great point about just doing it as if you would succeed! Thx, G.
If we fear too much of some things, we won’t be able to make our steps forward. That’s what I thought.
Hi Andrew,
collective fear does keep us from moving anywhere but inside our homes and vehicles.
thx, G.
Giulietta,
This is just a wonderful, wonderful piece today! Yes, we (I) do fear the wrong things. In fact, as I read this – I think about how I “buck the trend” and don’t lock our house or my car typically. Then again, though – as soon as I go someplace unfamiliar, or where I “think” it might be less safe…I lock everything. Hmmm…I know this is just one small example. Still, it really makes me think about where I do place fear…
Thanks for this, Giulietta. Again, you reach at my core.
Hey Lance,
How brave of you to keep your doors unlocked in places you feel safe. If someone wants to get inside your home, not much will stop them.
The entire issue of safety fascinates me. Do we have a right to safety? The entire body scanning fiasco at the airports proves this. Boston TSA workers believe they have a cancer cluster on their hands from those scanners.
More fear driving us to dis-eased states.
Will check out your post on body image. Love that topic. Thx, G.
Hey Guilietta,
Be it India or the US,I guess basic human instinct remains same everywhere…in developing countries you can probably add a few more fears in two more categories : Financial and Relatives related.
And you are right, everyone of us harbors at least one or more of these fears….but I think, that’s natural… what is important is to be cognizant of what our demons are. That awareness is the first step to start the process of overcoming them…
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
Mark Twain
This quote by Mr Twain summarizes how fear can limit our sense of living…
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. – Mark Twain
We fear too many things and limit our present..
Hi Chaitra,
Love that Mark Twain quote. We can waste an entire life fearing something, devoting lots of time to the fear tending and it never, ever happens. Imagine what could be accomplished if we could tear ourselves away from fear mode.
Thx for the India perspective. The fear of relatives is one I hadn’t thought about. I just googled honor killings in India and was surprised to discover it’s a modern practice. thx, G.
I love your list. What struck me most when I first came to the U.S. was the fears of illness (egged on by pharmaceutical co. ads) and loss of material possessions (insurance). I couldn’t afford medical insurance and I was told I was playing Russian roulette with my health.
I was also struck by how fearful/apprehensive everyone was, especially after 9/11 when, whipped into a fear frenzy by the media, people were so afraid of everything “foreign” that when I called a woman in NJ about her Met Life insurance customer care, she accused me of being a terrorist because of my British accent. OK, things have got better in that respect but that fear remains.
I am often asked aren’t I afraid to go to Mexico, to Tijuana because it’s so dangerous there. I’ve walked, taken public transport, gone out at night alone, traveled all over, and never had a problem. Here, I constantly have problems with nutcases who assault me verbally or on one occasion, physically.
I could add to your list with a fear of anything “foreign” or non-white. When traveling to foreign/exotic lands, the food is suspect, as are the guides, the amounts charged, people’s expressions, etc. Foreign opinion is suspect or dangerous, to be feared if it is not in synch with American policy. Foreign customs are misunderstood, laughed at, and often flaunted. The U.S. is practically the only “safe” country in the world but even it has become unsafe or unsavory thanks to all the foreigners who come here to live.
Hi Penelope,
Terrific comment. Each paragraph could be it’s own blog post. Where to start? Maybe with the fear of anything foreign being unsafe.
I’ve had friends refuse to eat in very nice ethnic restaurants because they were convinced the cooks spit on the food. Funny, but as a waitress I saw American cooks do some nasty stuff to food and laugh about it.
We’re taught that the world is a scary place outside our borders, so most Americans stay inside the US their entire lives and go to Disney World/Epcot to experience other lands.
Ironically, I’ve done things alone in other countries I’d be too scared to do here.
Thx, G.
Wow, Giulietta! This post spoke to my absolute core! It so helps to break down our fears and really look them in the face like that. It makes me reassess and ask myself why I feel the need to collect degrees/certificates and why I hoard! I needed to ask myself those questions!
“Will I be kind?” is a question that I would like to live by as well. That and: “Will I try new things all the time?” I feel like that expresses how I want to live my life! =)
Hi Samantha,
Glad you brought that up.
I’m going to write my next newspaper column around titles and degree collecting because its fascinating. Some folks never feel like they can get a job without another something or other degree. I almost went back to school for writing and then thought, but I can already write. Why put myself in debt and then half to write even more to get out of it?
You wonder how did the FIRST person get a job without a degree? And what do they mean anyway. They don’t mean you are smarter.
I love the “will i be kind.” a friend made that a priority when raising her daughters and they are!
g.
hear you on the hoarding. it’s ingrained in us to protect all these “consumer nuts and berries.” Why not share, knowing someone will share with you? crazy!!!